First off I am having a better day today, a glass of wine and some sinfully fattening dinner of chicken wings and fries did the trick.
Upon reflection at the end of the day I realized that it was two years ago this week I discovered I was expecting Harrison. It is so strange thinking back to a happy time I remember feeling so excited and scared, now I question if my happiness will ever be pure and fulfilling because sadness lives in my heart. Around the same time last year I found out we were expecting Elodie. It was a pure surprise and a bit of a mystery. Rather than running to DH to share the news, I kept it to myself for a few days in disbelief convinced I was reading the test wrong. It was when I visited my doctors to get Harrison’s autopsy reports the pregnancy was confirmed. I told her how I could not understand how this happened. Her reply was priceless that she was not going to go over how these things happen as I should have figured this out by now.
This July I am pretty confident that I am not pregnant for a third time in row. It would be absolutely impossible, DH and I have not resumed that part of our relationship, partly out of fear of a reoccurrence but more so from the hurt and pain that have come between us. We both have a lot of healing to do.
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