Eternity

Some days the grief just sneaks up on me. Earlier in the day I was congratulating myself for feeling well and not having any episode. You know those episodes when I scream so loud that nothing audible comes out. Well it happened today. I had a flashback.


Elodie and I had just arrived home from shopping and I was feeding her a bottle, the TV was playing in the back ground, I had to remove the bottle from her mouth so I could readjust and she let out her usual whimper to let me know she was not done. This is when it happened.

I felt this one throughout the entirety of my body; I felt his tiny body slip out from me as I held my breath. Silence. I screamed “cry baby, cry!” The room fell even more silent. Everything went dark.

All I could do at this point was to continue feeding my living child as I stared up at the ceiling with buckets of tears slipping down my face and running off my chin. Again the earth had been pulled out from beneath. As I was silently dying inside my daughter finished up her bottle and just smiled at me. I sat there holding her, feeling her breath and wiggle as she played with my necklace that unites DH, Harrison and I for eternity.