Envy

Pre-pregnancy to Harrison I had no interest in others pregnancies then I became pregnant and I could not get enough baby talk. I could spot a pregnant lady on the subway from the back of the train. I loved doing the pregnant belly glance as another mommy to be walked by. Then I lost Harrison and dislike pregnant woman as I was envious of them. I did not believe they knew what a blessing they were carrying and how they should savour every minute of it. These same feelings extended to new mothers as I too should be passing them in the stores with my fancy new stroller and baby boy.


Then I became pregnant with Elodie and did my best to enjoy every minute of the pregnancy and finally got to join the mommy clubs. I belonged.

Recently these feelings of annoyance towards happy parents and families have crept inside of me again. The same mothers I should have befriended in Harrison’s play groups are expecting again. I am envious of them because they get to keep living my dream. I too should be thinking of giving my son another brother and sister and wondering how to manage a baby and my busy lil monkey. So again I find myself uncomfortable around pregnant woman and jealous of happy growing families.

Our time will come to give Harrison and Elodie another sibling but it is just not the same as in my dreams.