Birthdays

Tomorrow is my Birthday and I should be happy but the celebration of Birthdays brings me so much pain.  Three weeks before Harrison's due date was my B I G 30th Birthday.  My friends were geared up for a party and I was geared up to explode.  I was so excited to have the biggest life changing event of my life coincide with a new decade in my life.  My 30's were going to be about family and children.  I told everyone how I would love to share the spotlight of my Birthday with my pregnancy and even do a party/shower.  I don't think anyone understood.  The month prior I had my shower and I would have my 30th Birthday with friends.  I posed my big pregnant belly with my cake, I wanted the baby to be apart of the celebration. 



Sorry don't know why it wont turn



Birthdays since have not been the same for me or me participating in them.  The Birthday song sends me to the next room crying as he would never get to be the center of attention and honestly I still can't find a good reason to celebrate birth when it was the most devastating moment of my life.  I avoid friends Birthdays because I don't want to celebrate. 

Friends and family want to celebrate with me tomorrow and I don't want to.  The day brings forward the feelings I had on my 30th and the aftershocks ripple through me.

Friends, family please give me this day to feel sorry for myself and reminisce about how I felt carrying him inside of me.  Don't wish me a happy day because it is not anymore.