A had a mini melt down yesterday while pushing the stroller. The school kids were getting off the bus and the mothers were all anxiously waiting to apprehensively and hoping their kids had a good first day. I had to duck down and dry my eyes before I excused myself and the stroller through the crowd. Even though I am blessed to have a child it still hurts me to see all the opportunities and milestones I will be missing with my son.
Last year I was quite down about the first day of school and I shared it with some people and they were a bit confused how I could feel this way as one day too soon Elodie and I will experience the separation of her going off to school. I wish people would understand that it has nothing to do with her, I know I will have that day with her but I should also be having that day first with him to ease my anxiety of sending her to school later on. I wish more people would understand that she has nothing to do with my feelings of missing him. The experiences with her do not replace what I have missed with him, these experience are unique to her as they would have been uniquely his.
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