Lumpai

Life for me is not all about moaning and groaning. Its true I have a lot to complain about these day (no job, child loss, house may be sold) but there is more to me, really! Since this blog is about living life I thought I would share a fun recipe I make for my family. Lumpia which is basically an egg roll from the Philippines.

I enjoy this recipe because you can not go wrong and you can toss in whatever ingredients you wish for a fun economical meal.

Ingredients:

Vermicelli nests

Boiling Water

Soak Vermicelli in boiling water according to package directions

1 Onion

Package of Ground Meat ( I used turkey)

1 Cup of Frozen cut Green Beans

2 Cups of Grated Carrot (give or take)

Pepper to taste

Soy Sauce

1 Egg

1 Package of Egg Roll Wrappers
(feel free to add garlic, ginger, oyster sauce, plum sauce..you get the idea...season how you wish)

Fry everything together until meat is fully cooked (Go ahead dump in anything) Add chopped up cooked vermicelli

Combine some Cornstarch and water in a small dish to use as a glue on your wrappers

Place 1/4 of mixture on wraper

Roll them up, glue down the edges with cornstarch and water mixture.

Fry them up with a small amount of cooking spray or oil.

Serve with a dipping sauce.

Suggested Sauce
Brown Sauce
3/4 Cup of Water
1 Tbsp Cornstarch
1/4 Cup of White sugar
3 Tbsp of Oyster Sauce
2 Tbsp of Lemon Juice
1/4 tsp of Garlic Powder
1 tsp of Beef Bouillon Powder

Combine in sauce pan. Heat and stir until boiling.

Or make your favourite peanut dipping sauce.

Back to School

A had a mini melt down yesterday while pushing the stroller.  The school kids were getting off the bus and the mothers were all anxiously waiting to apprehensively and hoping their kids had a good first day.  I had to duck down and dry my eyes before I excused myself and the stroller through the crowd.  Even though I am blessed to have a child it still hurts me to see all the opportunities and milestones I will be missing with my son.

Last year I was quite down about the first day of school and I shared it with some people and they were a bit confused how I could feel this way as one day too soon Elodie and I will experience the separation of her going off to school.  I wish people would understand that it has nothing to do with her, I know I will have that day with her but I should also be having that day first with him to ease my anxiety of sending her to school later on.  I wish more people would understand that she has nothing to do with my feelings of missing him. The experiences with her do not replace what I have missed with him, these experience are unique to her as they would have been uniquely his.

Panic?

I am happy in a sort of weird way. I keep investigating why I don't feel more stressed out and panicked, after all we are in the process of losing our house. 10 more days until we decide to list.  I have not cried or screamed, I am kind of numb but not in that depressive way. Every morning I am greeted to cuddles and Elodie wanting to giggle so we let the tickle monster loose each morning that has be laughing along.  Maybe it is true laughter is the best medicine or maybe I have already faced the toughest most stressful time in my life that this is just too inconsequential to feel.  Whatever it is I am managing well.

I Cry for You

I keep revisiting the day we laid you to rest son, the nip in the air, where people stood, and how I felt that I was living in a fish bowl that I could not escape from. I revisit my feelings that day often, the tears the pain and the torment of having your little body laying at my feet and wanting so bad to scoop you up into my arms. But what I remember most was missing you, missing you against me and missing who you are/were.

It struck me the other day that I was most likely the only one crying for you that day. I may be the only one who really knew you and felt your love. Chances are everyone else was standing around looking at your Dad and I and feeling dumbstruck on how to help us. Harrison, you need to know I was crying for you. I can muddle through this pain but it is for you I want. I want for you to have all and each day I try my best to provide you with my love and a promising future.

The past 4 years of stress

Summer is drawing to a close and I can feel the nip in the air in the evening, the sidewalks are bare after dinner. With the closure of summer comes some big hurdles and challenges our family needs to face. I have been out of work since May. The remainder of savings has been used up and my resume has been shared a million times with no offers.

What are the next steps? I honestly do not know. I keep crossing my fingers and trying hard to believe that we are owed our break and a job offer will arrive at the final penny.

Many ask how we don’t have savings left, friend here I know you understand. We bought a new house; both had steady jobs and were expecting our first child. Money went out to prepare the house and ready ourselves for baby. Baby never came but the money kept going out to cover the costs of the funeral and we used our savings to pay for a therapist at $130 a visit. I was on Mat leave then found out I was pregnant again. I did not work long enough to stock the accounts. The next baby arrived and she had more expenses. Dh lost his job and we were without income again. He secured a new job with a pay cut. Not to worry I was returning to work and we would have time to build the coffers up again, NOT. I was laid off. Simple as that, we are out of money.

We bought a house, had a baby, lost a son, buried a son, had a baby, Dh lost his job, I lost my job. It has been a whirlwind of stress.

Despite the stress I have really enjoyed this extra time with my daughter. I needed this time to enjoy and love her. Last summer her birth overlapping our grief I was too overwhelmed to stop. ( I was afraid of stopping as the pain was too unbearable to allow it to creep in) She is such a delight and a wonder. Friends, family please understand we are doing all that we can for our family’s best interest.

Sorry to have been absent on my posts but we head up North to the cottage on weekends and my free time during the week is used for job hunting.

We are all doing very well and handling the stress of the unknown salary quite well.

I need a few reminders that I made the decision to leave my past employer rather than stay on their terms to benefit my family. I am praying things work out for us and as always trying to be the Hopeful_mama.

Quiet Baby

Elodie loves her books and many of her books are about babies or the alphabet.
Q- Quiet Shh, finger against pursed lips next to a sleeping baby.

Every time she sees a picture of Harrison she Shhhs. That's right Hun, Harrison is sleeping.
 Harrison is just a picture of a sleeping baby at this point to her. I am happy she recognizes his picture in the house even if it is to remind us to be quiet so he can rest in peace.