Fighting

I am fighting the depression that comes this time of year, its insanity and anger are growing inside of me.

All I want to do is to stay home and love my children but I have to go out into the non-understanding world and try hard to be normal, focused and keep my pain locked tight inside until 5pm.  At 5pm I get into my car and let the storm clouds errupt.

This pattern is exhausting and devestates me that I will repeat this series of events for the left of my life.  I think that is why 3 years is so hard. The reality that this is my new normal and that the pain is still as sharp. I am just a better actress at holding it together.

Time

Why does motherhood take away all your free time? 
Tonight I got off work an 45minutes early.
Ran some errands
Collected Elodie from daycare
Unpacked the dishwasher
Prepped dinner
Built a block tower or three
Went to the bank with Daddy
Ate dinner
Vaccuumed the floors that are constantly in need with all the salt and sand that is tracking in from inside
Decorated the house for valentines day
Bathed Elodie
Bed time routine
Contemplating between a TV night with DH or Yoga.

And I started work at 6am today.

Good Night

Only a mother says that

Thank goodness I am home alone (with the exception of Elodie) because sometimes I catch myself saying the oddest, weirds dumbest things. Things that only a mother would say!  Husband pointed out to me the other day that these inside comments to Elodie were starting to slip out of the house into the public world, oh gosh!

Today for example.

     "Did you poo in the cardboard box? "

Yes, she poo’ed in the card board box I gave her to colour and play with. She was having some pant free potty time and I guess she found a quiet private spot. On the positive side she came and got me to show me where she did it.

   “Good Girl for telling mommy you poo’ed in the box!”

   “Lets clean the tray and not the cracker.”
She was trying to wash the cheese off her crackers after I gave her the cloth to wipe apple sauce off her face.

Movember

This is how we finished our Christmas photos off. Undershirts and moustaches in support of Prostate Cancer. Next year Christmas pictures will be booked for December 1st.

Jump for Joy

Can she get any cuter, I think not. I love her to bits and can't stop smiling when I am with her.

Kisses

I forgot to update you on some cute cemetery happenings.  Who said cuteness could not happen in cemeteries? 

When we got out of the car the other weekend, after  unhooking the gates and closing them off so Elodie could run free we asked her to find Harrison. She toddled her way down the rows and found his stone. 

When we left she leaned down and kissed her brothers stone with a loud smack and another kiss for her Great Grandparents (her name sakes) and said her Buh-Bye and was on her way.

She knows there is something special and loved behind those gates.