Making Room a struggle

The time has come where I am ready to start facing Harrison’s possessions and making room in our lives to love and honour another child.  I have dreaded facing his things and packing them away.

Ten weeks ago my sister and her husband came during the day to pack up the majority of the boy clothes that hung in anticipation of his arrival.  Previous to her coming my mother had arranged to do it and both DH and I could not handle it at that time and asked her to come back later.

I never said thank you to my sister, how could I?  I am not thankful one bit that the little boy items are no longer in his room that those clothes are no longer intended for him.  I want so badly for half of them to be pilling up in the laundry bin from spit ups, diaper blow outs and goober.  Another lesson learned was holding onto the clothes was like holding on to the dream that he would come home but it was time to wake up.

The clothes were packed in large Tupperware containers and put into the basement. I pushed them back as far as I could where I would not be reminded of their contents.

During this time we learned our little Sprout was a girl.  It is easy to shop for these clothes but close to impossible to hang them in the now empty closet.  I would buy something and open the door and quickly toss it into the nursery. I did not want to face its emptiness of missing Harrison’s belongings.  The piles on the floor grew.  Like all stages of grief I finally had to face it head on and deal with it and like every other milestone/stage  it was not as bad as I had anticipated it to be.

Our grief councilor suggested I try to make room for this baby and go through the boy clothes tucked away under the stairs.  One day I had the strength to do it, I had taken the day off work and faced the piles and again I learned something I was not as attached to these clothes as I thought I was.  They were just clothes however there are a few outfits that DH and I picked out together that we set aside and may never be worn by another child because they hold memories. Memories of thoughts we had for his future,

Tonight we are going to box up his cards, paperwork and small items.  (It really is odd what I am attached too such as ribbons from funeral flowers and bows from the shower because generally speaking I am a pretty minimalist person.)  They too no longer need to be taking up a shelf in the house.  I will never dispose of these items as each one document he existed.

 All of his things in his room.