The worst words: “I lost the baby”

(Don’t fret baby girl Sprout is doing fine)
I believe some of the most hurtful words a woman can say is “I lost the baby”. Those four words carry a world of guilt and admission. Why the “I”? Very few woman/mothers are responsible for the passing of her child. I believe when I found out Harrison heart had stopped beating I used those same words. Those words caused me so much pain and guilt. I have struggled daily to accept that “I” am not to blame for this tragedy. I did not lose him, I loved him!

When I investigated the definition of lost this is what I found on Webster's dictionary
1 : not made use of, won, or claimed. Your baby will always be your beloved child.

2 a : no longer possessed b : no longer known You will always carry a piece of your baby in your heart

3 : ruined or destroyed physically or morally : DESPERATE The memory and love lives on.

I wish I could go back and find a better term that took the “I” and “lost” out of the statement. Just maybe I would have fought less with myself?... Perhaps saved myself from hours of what ifs, should haves and could haves? I still do have the should have/could have days but these are not as intense and I can rationalize a lot quicker that I am a good mother and "I" always put Harrison’s needs first.