Another Spring Snow

Last night/morning when we woke up the yard was covered in snow. These pretty white fluffy spring snows are seasonally out of place, just like the day we found out Harrison had passed away.  The snow fall opened up the large vault of grief that lives in me, it brought me back to that Monday morning when we woke up to snow thinking we would be delivering our son that day but instead we promptly made funeral plans.

That snowy Monday morning 13 months ago I drew a picture with a dry erase marker on our bathroom mirror.  Two stick figures representing Dh with our arms holding a chubby baby boy uniting us as a family.  That drawing is still on our mirror as it represents the family I dreamed of and I can't bare to erase it.  Each week it is slowly fading from the humidity in the bathroom and speckled with toothpaste and I can't figure out a way to preserve it or take picture of it because of the reflection of the mirror.  I feel if it went so would my connection with that day.... I love by baby girl to the heavens but I still wish I could turn time back to that morning deliver him safely and hold him in my arms forever.   No amount of physical pain could ever explain the pain of losing a child.

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord please pick a bunch for me,

place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me,
Tell her I Love Her and Miss Her,
and when she turns to smile,
Place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile....