August 21, 2010

August 19, 2010

I love your many ways

Baby Elodie I am astonished by all the ways you brighten up my day with love. Your smallest actions and just being you brings on ripples of love.

Every morning you greet me with a beaming smile and a look of excitement. As tired as I may be I can’t help but match that smile. You have given me the ability to smile again. Following your warm greeting is you’re all over body excitement, with your legs and arms pumping, ready to take on the day. I adore how hard you focus on mastering holding the bottle, leaning back and brining it your mouth, watching you learn is incredible. When I feed you grip my finger and bring your other hand to your face in complete delight. The world stands still while we gaze into one another’s eyes.

I love the soft touch of your skin next to mine. I love seeing you wiggle when I lightly stroke your belly and you scrunch up and straighten out, for me to do it again and again. It gives me such pleasure to brush my cheek against your velvety soft head with its downy peach fuzz.

You make me chuckle when I look back in the rear view mirror and see you fast asleep with your head cocked to the side and your nose facing upward with your high browed expressions.

Even at your worst when you think the world is crumbling you give me a quick smile when I rescue you into my arms.

Baby Elodie I love you in so many ways. I only think now I am learning what it is like to love so purely.

August 9, 2010

Failed Plans

This past week, I had been feeling pretty good about life, so much so I was going to start up a social life. In my mind I had big plans of getting.


The big plan was to go out dancing on the weekend with some girl friends. Step 1 was to reconnect and talk to friends, step 2 was to go out in the evening and leave Dad with the baby, step 3 go out dancing. The plan failed at step 2! My sweet adorable easy going little girl has developed a need for all things MOM. The child that we would once read a story and lay her down in her bassinet and say night night would fall asleep on her own with a smile across her face is gone. She has been replaced with a sweet cuddly rock me to sleep or I will fuss. The rocker of choice is yours truly.

The evening I went for coffee with a friend was a disaster. About 45 minutes from leaving the house I checked my phone to see two missed calls and a voice mail. The voice mail was of my sweet child screaming her lungs out in octaves I have never heard before. I called home several times and no one answered then tried Dh’s cell. He answered in a weak whisper “don’t call the house she is finally not screaming, CLICK.” Just great, this is what I needed to bring on an anxiety attack. I tried to talk myself down from speeding off. Dad and daughter need to figure out life together, I would give them space. I managed to delay my race for home by 10 minutes and down my lovely chai tea.

At home Daddy and daughter were asleep, her in her bouncer with her clothes on backwards and Dad sprawled across the sofa. The following day I learned that she spun her head like Poltergeist looking for Mom. Dh swears she produces screams that I have never heard and she can scream MomMom MomMom at 4 months of age. The poor man even tried using the scent of my clothing to calm her down.

Needless to say I did not go out this weekend. Here is a recent picture of our sweet Elodie.