Job Hunt

It has been a week and half since I left work as my employer phrased it as a "mutual departure".  The first few days I was optomistic that this was for the best.  I would find a job closer to home with more pay.  This way I could afford the second car we desperately need and manage my life as a mother, wife and employee.

A few decent job have come up and I have applied but I have not heard back. I realize it is early in the game but I am sensitive to rejection.  Why can't someone call?  I need some reassurance that I am valued and wanted.

Rejection has always been something I have suffered with and the death of Harrison has hightened those feelings.  I am trying my best not to get in a funk that my work did not value me enough to keep me, that other employers arn't knocking my door down. I too need to work on the feelings that I deserve something good to happen and for life to be an easy sail. As we know it keeps proving to me that is not the case for DH and I. Life is hard work and finding happiness is even harder work.

So, not only am I looking for a job I am working on keeping some bad feelings out of the way and staying happy.

2nd Birthday

I am trying so hard to be happy, after all it is his second Birthday. The word Birthday always follows the word Happy.  But I am so sad and I hurt.  I have missed so of his life and I question if he knows me from heaven.

I love him so much. He is so much apart of me.  I wish and pray that we had more time.

Happy 2nd Birthday son. I love you and just want to hold you close today and everyday.

Fire Trucks and Dalmations

Last night we took a trip out to the party store for our little man's 2nd Birthday.  I had tried to shop on my own but could not handle it and James wanted to be apart of the process.  Initially we were going to a Cars the movie theme but neither of have us has watched the movie. We even had to Google who Lightning McQueen is.  Then it struck, Firetrucks! Big bright and loud the perfect combination for a 2 year old.  Surprisingly enough James and I had a similar image of his party in mind. We wanted the theme package complete with a plastic table cloth, James splurged for dangling firetruck streamers.  The dinner is based on our favourites of pizza and ice cream cake served on firetruck paper plates.

The next item on the list is gifts (books to donate to our cottage library) and a Birthday card. The Birthday card is the challenging item.  Hallmark and Carlton are keen on mentioning how busy little boys are and how much trouble they get into, none of them seem to fit the occasion but will do our best.

Decorations
Cake
Pizza
Balloons
Gifts
Cards
..........Check!

Birthday Boy?